Simping, don't do it.

Today is a very auspicious day. Its the one year aniversery where all my suspicion was confirmed and the prestige of betrayel was let loose. Those phone calls, that drive up there, her hiding her smile while recording me, her new guy hiding. The pain the stinging pain that threw me in a hole for months. The hatred I felt. Those days and nights where I was blinded and tried to get her back. Those thoughts and emotions, all past all gone. She tried to get back into contact with me. first she hit my instagram, then she hit my phone with the blocked numbers, then she hit my text up. I ignored her. didnt invest any emotion. Even though her friends and family didnt like the new guy because he was abusive amd controling.Even though theu were all rooting for us to get back together. Even though she wanted me back. let me tell you folks something, there are evil people out there. and when you simp those people take advantage of you and wreak chaos and havoc into your life and the lives of those around you. when you simp and let these people into your life, you end up isolated from your people, you end up two payments behind on your mortgage. You end up being taken outside of your character. Seriousley folks dot simp ever. Also dont ever hang out with retired hookers from hungary named Eva. they"re classless and delusional. thier cooking smells terrible and they will never tell the truth. Also they hate the smell of garlic, and they take advantage of simps like jeff. Its the damn jezebel oil, I know what that shit smells like dont ask me why, but bitchcraft is real.

Turkey day

Now im by no means a psychologist or a statitician,but I have theory that damaged people just let everything hang out on the holidays. The flash point could be in the kitchen or at the dining room table, Or it could be someone excercising the only control theu have on thier life, by making everyone wait until after midnight to eat. This is the reason ove been advocating hometown buffet for thanks giving for the last few years. They will have everything you need for turkey day, it will be less exspensive and no one will act out, because it will be in public. Now this year its been different, because of that damn plague, but in the future Im not fucking around. I"ll tale the whole family to hometown buffet, me and whoever the family is. We will have family photos at hometown buffet. That and I dont know why, The current two family memebers never turn down an opportunity to disrespect me by not eating what I cook. like ever, like even though its one of my natural talents they camt even let me have that with thoee toxic asses. So fuck em next year in hometown buffet either with a parrner and possibly a baby or by my damn self.

Water fasting

A habit I picked Picked up during my haitus, waterfasting. ive done a few so far, the longest ive done being a week. I prefer to call it a solid food vacation. I noticed keto is the new hot trend. Ive found waterfasting to be the quickest amd easiest way to jump into ketosis. esentially it is the same as ketosis, only instead of balancing protien amd fat, your body begins to eat its own fat stores, and it begines the process of autophogy. Autophagy in itself is very interesting, to eat oneself, or for your body to eat all the corrupted cells, so it can make new ones. this time Im going on a four day water fast, which I will follow up with some keto/omad action. Ultimatly it is the best tool I found to deal with metabolic syndrome, its a potent tool for fixing high blood pressure, and even pre or type two duabetes, and the ravishes of the stamdard American diet. where this new energy has come from, I dont know but There is absolutley no way Im not going to pass that physical to get into the program, and the other plus losing the wieght so when the fat redistribution starts I will have a clean camvas for nature amd its work.

Wow what an odessy.

 I left you with the news of my new relationship, and some of our sexual habits. 

Well that ship crashed onto the rocks and burned. I would never recommend dating someone who derives pleasure from emotional pain, and manipulation. 

I've had one of the worst periods of my life in the last year. I allowed myself to feel the pain and humiliation of infidelity, on a side note she tried to come back to me with another man's baby, that was a hard no. In all honesty it wasn't so bad. She made me miserable with her cheating her lies and her"I'm not a doctor" borderline personality, and her narcicissm. 

My truck I manifested caught fire, I have all the parts it's now a project. 

I lost my job, at first it was tolerable, but then it turned toxic. The new manager they hired had a clear policy of nepotism, and divide and conquer. So once again good riddance or as some of my friends would say echale motherfucker. On another side note he fired the office lady who got all the contracts and hired his wife. 

My Grandfather died. A grandfather is a person's best friend. 

I had to put down my dog, that's my other best friend. 

But after all the pain comes the growth and the joy. I spruced up my resumae and got a job. My second day at the job I got forty hours and and a raise that put me near what I was making at my last job. Just no human shit or shitty humans to mess up my day at this job. 

I got back on the hormones. Low dose of course, my depression has receded and I'm able to think clearly now. My skin is softer and I smile more. Dont worry my balls still work. 

I've found a clear career path. One year of study gets me a state job, with a decent salary. Two more units of study get me an R.N., which gets me a job anywhere at a decent salary. 

The only thing missing is the spirituality I've been missing.  A friend told me before I left Israel that after a while I would go numb spiritually. I feel it I feel the lack it's like I've been cut off. My question where do the people in between go to pray ? Who loves them ? The Saris the Aylonit the Tumtum where do they pray?  I'm sure I will find the answers. Until then its another opportunity for discovery and growth.