So every two weeks I go to my therapist/gender therapist.
We have been making allot of progress lately in regards to my fear of being intimate, or letting myself be hurt again by a relationship. Today I wasted allot of time talking about all the wonderful people who pissed me off lately. Either way my therapist is a really cool lady. Today she pointed how normal my emotions were, and how normal it is to want to be loved and love someone.
In the ghetto people are fed this bullshit ideal of being hard all the time, of never being weak or vulnerable. The boundaries of the definition of being hard vary from place to place, but either way it still fucks people up.
In the Religious world it is looked down on to show affection or to question what the leaders say. So now we have another nice swath of humanity fucked up because they hide behind a mask as well.
So now we have me with some life lived in the ghetto, and some life lived amongst the pious folk. Which basically caused a mass confusion and a distortion of the truth. All these years I thought I was crazy I thought I was tainted when really it was the people around me" in a generalizing sort of way".
Now I know whenever these folks try to get at me I just have to invite them to look n the mirror.