Right This is another rant.
I rant here because no one has the time to listen to my pain,
No one wants to hear me.
In other words due to the circumstances of my life.
socially my life is like Ice frozen.
It's not without unjust cause I believe.
I have been hurt or betrayed or abandoned by pretty much everyone.
Everyone who is my blood everyone I have trusted everyone I have let inside.
So these days I keep distance these days I sabotage things to keep from being hurt.
Anyways From the mouth of babes.
Or children echoing the sentiments of their parents.
If someones father screams at me to stop talking like a nigger
in front of the customers I'm upset.
If someone does it twice I'm hurt.
When this person whom I happen to be related to has his daughter
saying Things like I don't like you I don't like your people.
It drives a wedge.
When she says I don't like you, or who are your people.
It's paints a pretty clear picture.
My Mom is mixed half black half white
my half brother is as dark as Wesley snipes.
My waking environment was La Brea Gardens
at La brea and Jefferson right outside the Jungle in South Central Los Angeles
(they changed the name to South L.A.)
The people who cared for me the other children I interacted with
guess what color they were.
I also happen to be Jewish
I have another part of my family and another part of my life.
When things got real sour and I was put in the foster care system.
a year laterI was taken in by the orthodox branch of my family My great Uncle and his children.
It was great not having to live with people who did it for the money,
or people who were perverts or peder-ass's(ask Walter).
I am thankful, but I am still myself.
I am honest and I keep my mind open
So when I see someone selling someone else's television"which needed a bulb to work" to
a person I work with and respect like a friend, and when I see that the person who owns the T.V., another friend doesn't know
that it's getting sold I will say something. Especially when I stated to said owner that I will take responsibility
for said television . I will jump in and make sure everything is straight
Afterwords for doing the right thing I'm a traitor.
If I call someone a kike, not a nice word but a word I use
for Jews who fit a negative a stereotype, just like a black person fitting a negative stereotype is a nigger. Than now I'm a Nazi.
So I'm still living with this family but now
I got these cousins who live next door playing games,they think I don't know
but their Daughter showed me the truth.
Now they go around and buzz like mosquitoes in my Uncles ear.
Now my Uncle doesn't talk to me so whats the deal?
My Great Uncles grand daughter and her husband have been gunning to
mess me up but why?
What exactly have I done
to deserve that
I can think of a few things but of course afterwords
I checked the hindsight saw my wrong and owned up.
I figured after apologizing we could be cool again
but I have been shown once again when I trust someone,
they will try to hurt me.
Alas this is just one incident in a quarter of a centuries worth.
These little things have affected me so much that I can hardly
relate to people that are functional and I can't trust people
who are trying to help me because I always think it's a ruse.
So I sit Isolated and locked in with my emotions.
Nursing the wounds that get opened again and again,
and even when I do the right thing like go to school or get a trade
I still can't get a good job or a pat on the back(I don't really need that shit anyways)
Just a cold silence or an epitaph thrown from afar like an arrow from around a corner.
Locked in with my emotions.
Locked in with my frenemys .
I have a question for them
what do you want exactly, what are you trying to do and why?